There is no denying the power of intimacy and connection. Humans are wired to seek meaningful relationships with others, and our need for companionship and commitment often goes beyond logical explanation. But why do we crave such closeness? This question has perplexed and enticed scientists’ minds for centuries and is now being answered by doctors and psychologists.
Recent research into the psychology behind our desire for commitment and intimacy has revealed some fascinating insights into human behavior. From our need for validation to deep-seated fears about loss, there are many psychological reasons we seek out human connection as adults.
Link Between Validation and Commitment
Let’s start with the concept of validation. Most people crave positive attention from their peers and partners, which is particularly true for those suffering from narcissism or low self-esteem. Narcissists often need to be seen in a positive light. They are deeply dependent on the constant adoration of their peers and partners. Whenever they receive any criticism, no matter how small, they become defensive or even livid. Narcissists will often exaggerate their accomplishments to gain more validation from others.
For those who don’t suffer from narcissism, feelings of low self-esteem can also lead to a need for validation. When we feel uncertain or insecure, it’s natural to reach out and seek reassurance from others. Studies have found that having someone show us love and affection helps to alleviate these feelings of insecurity, which often leads to a deeper bond and connection between people.
Fear of Loss Makes Us Value Our Commitment
Fear of loss is another powerful psychological force that drives us to seek commitment and intimacy. Fear of loss is deeply rooted in our childhood. With the idea that abandonment can lead to death or pain. In essence, we are programmed from a young age to find security in relationships, even if it means taking risks in those connections. Unfortunately, a history of painful experiences around intimate contact can often lead to a fear of commitment and intimacy, an issue that requires a level of healing and self-compassion.
Resentment Prevents Us From Committing to Relationships
If we desire commitment, what can prevent us from actually committing to a relationship? Resentment is one of the most common barriers to intimacy. Our defense mechanisms are put into place to protect and shield us from hurt or pain, but resentment often prevents us from fully letting those defenses down. It’s difficult for us to trust someone and feel close if we’re harboring feelings of anger or resentment towards them.
In some cases, resentment can become so deeply rooted that even making changes in behavior alone is not enough to dispel it. This is why a true commitment requires much more work and dedication than just simply forming a relationship. It demands a level of healing and deep understanding, both for yourself and the other person.
Bottom Line
The psychological reasons behind our craving for commitment and intimacy can be complex, but they illustrate an important point: human connection is essential. No matter how it manifests in your life, having a committed partner or friend to share your experiences with brings joy and makes us feel heard. Whether you’re seeking validation or overcoming fear, emotional connection is one of the most rewarding aspects of life.
